Maybe The Little Girls Understand, 'Cause I Sure Don't

Can someone explain the whole White Stripes thing to me?

I mean, I've read the articles, I've seen them on TV, but I still don't get it. They still come across to me as mannered and smug. Yes, I know about the Loretta Lynn album and the Cold Mountain soundtrack, but my god, who can bear it?

I say these things in light of a radio interview with them that I ran into today. In between precious pronouncements about why they can't discuss their real relationship and theories about the number three, the interviewer played a recording of them performing the Bacharach/David classic, I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself.

Now understand, I'm speaking as someone who considers himself a fan of noise and who appreciates an idiosyncratic approach to popular music. But this was perfectly awful, aimless scribblings with no guiding purpose. I was shocked by the nothingness of it all.

Then tonight I'm looking over the new releases at the video store, and I realize that the music playing in the background is Dionne Warwick's original version of the song I'd heard so cold-bloodedly murdered only hours before.

I overheard a woman nearby say to her companion, "That's Whitney Houston's aunt."

And I thought, you're damn right it is. All of a sudden I forgave all of that Psychic Friends stuff. Hell, give me the number. I'll call them right now.