Monday, January 28, 2008

Talk Of The Town

Every once in a while when my imagination turns to delusions of grandeur, I try and visualize what sort of quotes I could get for the back of a book, should that occasion ever arise.

Truth to tell, I already have a collection set aside of things that were either written about me or said to me that I figured might look impressive on the back of a book jacket. They're there for a rainy day but it seems a shame to keep them in the cupboard collecting dust. So, with a quietly hummed fanfare, we present the possible contenders for blurbs falling under the emblazoned headline What The Critics Are Saying!

Enjoy! (These are all quite genuine.)

“…just some gutless guy on the internet without the courage of his convictions, peddling lame post titles that were stale at the turn of the century.”
- Jamie S. Rich, author, Cut My Hair

“I give thanks every day that I’m not you.”
- Eugene Chadbourne, musician

“You’re looking fit.”
- Mark E. Smith, The Fall

- Jim Knipfel, unintelligible and angry author, Slackjaw, The Buzzing

“How come you never listen to anything normal?”
- Jeffrey A. Getz

“You’re fired.”
- Numerous radio stations

“That’s the last thing you should do.”
- Dave Marsh, author, critic

“No, I don’t remember you.”
- Jello Biafra, singer

“(He) took those quotes out of context.”
- Chuck D., Public Enemy

“We’re really not sure we can air this.”
- WHYY-TV, Philadelphia

“Robert seems to me kind of different or special.”
- Anonymous High School teacher

“You disappoint me, sir.”
- Kevin Smith, filmmaker, Clerks, Chasing Amy

“The man is a god!”
- Clive Barker, author, Imajica, Abarat, Mister B. Gone


Anonymous CEO Tigerbomb said...

So unique, they named a car after him!

"The Getz turned in a reasonably balanced performance to gain its four star rating."

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 10:01:00 AM  
Anonymous smorges said...

What did you do or say to Kevin Smith to warrant that response?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 11:15:00 AM  
Blogger Count Screwloose said...

Monsieur Tigrebomba,

It's the first time anyone's referred to me as "reasonably balanced."

I also liked "the Getz did little to safeguard pedestrians." Hey, I've only got two hands!


Tuesday, January 29, 2008 8:13:00 PM  
Blogger Count Screwloose said...


It actually came out of a discussion on his message board that concerned Gaspar Noe's film "Irreversible". Granted, it's difficult to sit through, but it seemed to leave him afraid to leave the house. I thought it was a poignant and, ultimately, uplifting experience.

Things got heated quickly (if you can imagine such a thing on an internet message board) and "You disappoint mr, sir" was actually one of the more benign brickbats he threw at me.

Last I heard, he was still making feature-length commercials for his two toy stores.


Wednesday, January 30, 2008 4:29:00 AM  

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