The Case For Intelligent Resign

Let’s be honest.

If you’re like me, you lead an active and busy lifestyle. Between the spur-of-the-moment meetings, abbreviated lunches and dates at the gym, it’s hard to keep up with the headlines.

Particularly now, when the number of indictments and investigations connected to members of the Bush administration and their cronies seem to be tumbling off a conveyor belt like Lucy and Ethel’s chocolates. Let’s face it, it’s difficult to remember who paid off who, who’s stepping down, who’s stepping aside, etc.

Remember how confusing Watergate was? Well, better get out your scorecards, brother, cause this is gonna be worse.

It got me thinking, though.

It seems to me that we can’t just attribute this sudden grinding of the wheels of justice to the checks and balances of the government or the “survival-of-the-fittest” political Darwinism that weeds out the bad apples.

No, if any of those actually worked, we would have seen evidence of it sometime during the past 6 years.

Any schoolchild knows that Democracy and Freedom have been reduced to meaningless buzzwords. And if they didn’t, six years of watching lies, stupidity and incompetence being rewarded on a regular basis should have convinced them that man-made laws are not going to rescue us from our current pickle. No, we have been tried and found lacking. After six years of witnessing despicable behavior run rampant without even a hint of retribution, there’s no reason on earth to have expected this recent turn of events.

Which is why I have no choice but to look beyond Earth.

That’s right, friends. There isn’t any way that true justice could come about with the current system we’ve built, being vulnerable as it is to the same weaknesses of the people who created it. It simply doesn’t explain how a cadre of liars and thieves would ultimately be made to pay for their crimes.

Which I why I have no choice but to propose that this recent spate of indictments has to be the work of some larger, transcendent intelligence, a higher being that is guiding the hearts and minds of the prosecutors.

Think about it.

Americans would never insist on calling these people on the carpet. They liked them so much, they asked them back for an encore. They couldn’t get enough.

No, there’s something far more advanced at work here.

The universe has reached its tipping point; it will only allow evil to run around unchecked for so long until it triggers off some sort of cosmic fire alarm, like the monolith in 2001.

It’s the only explanation that makes sense. Our system has become so irredeemably corrupt and rotten that when it works, one is forced to consider the possibility of a supernaturally intelligent, sentient guy with a big beard.

Maybe he got tired of the Dobsons and Robertsons making him look ridiculous. Maybe he’s sick of an administration that piously pays him lip service while privately countenancing torture and murder.

Who knows?

The important thing is that he’s back on the case, he’s pissed, and he’s a Democrat.