Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Le Peep, C'est Sheep! or: Who's The Boss?

On the subject of M. Le Peep, I can only imagine what the reactions of those ears in the immediate vicinity were to some of our overdone felicitations.

For example, a typical morning would usually start in this fashion:

Le Peep: “Good morning, Chief! How is the Chief?”

Me: “No, no, I’m not the Chief. I think we know who the Chief is here.”

“No, you are the boss! Everyone knows it! I am merely here to be instructed by you, to learn what I can from the Chief!”

“No, sir, no. It is not I who am the Chief. You, sir, you – are the Chief. The other day when you were out – I had people coming over all day hoping to speak with you and you should have seen their faces when they realized I was not the Chief. The pitiful expressions on their faces as this realization began to sink in were heartbreaking to behold.”

“That is only because they were far too much in awe of the real Chief to let you know that they were only using me as an excuse to get to you! Too afraid to address you by name, they created this subterfuge of wishing to speak to me – thereby allowing them to bask in the presence of the real, true Chief without appearing to be the sad and subservient creatures that they are!”

“That is what they are hoping you believe! They are hoping you believe that their show of obeisance to you is actually camouflaged and hidden devotion to me, thereby throwing you off the scent and disguising the truth of the matter – namely, that it is you, the one and only true Chief by both bloodline and public acclamation, that is the actual target of their worship and adoration.”

“Only the true Chief would allow himself to be misled by his own innate and infinite modesty in such a way. By refusing the mantle of the Chief, you only prove yourself to be the Chief all the more, in an even more fierce and committed fashion. Again, this is evidence that a man is gracious, if he can look upon the life of another and claim it is better than his own. Many men see grace in other men, but with a maligning eye. They see it to disgrace it. They are so vainglorious and ambitious, that when they see the lives of other men outshew theirs, instead of imitation, they go to base courses. They obscure and darken that light with slanders, that they will not imitate in their courses. What grace they will not imitate they will defame. Does it not say in 1 Peter 5:4, ‘And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away’? You, sir, and I can not stress this strongly enough, are that Chief.”

“I confess, you flatter me, sir, with such a description. I am not, however, this Chief that you believe me to be. The sort of men you describe swagger in the world, as if they were upon their own dunghill there, and as if they were the only men in the world, as indeed for the most part they are. What we love, that we are knit unto. Now because carnal men are in love with the things of the world, being united in their affections to it, they have their name from that they love. And indeed, anatomise a carnal man that is not in the state of grace, rip him up in his soul, what shall you find in him but the world? You shall find in his brain worldly plots, worldly policy and vanity. You shall find the best thing in him is the world; therefore he is the world.”

We could go on like this for hours. After a while it would start to sound like a Chip and Dale cartoon written by Richard Sheridan.


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