Bigger Than Jebus!
I don’t know how I allow myself to become involved in these online shouting matches.
For some reason the subject of John Lennon’s Beatles Bigger Than Jesus remarks came up (Ed.- someone’s done a documentary) on some news site the other day and you would have thought from the vociferousness of the response that it might have happened yesterday. Apparently there are still some who not only misunderstand the context of the remark, but they behave as if it’s a fresh wound.
The opening volleys were predictable, angry missives that basically boiled down to “Hey! You thought you were bigger than Jesus, huh, John? Well, now you’re dead and in hell! Not feelin' so smart now, are ya?”
You know, the usual charitable Christian sentiments.
Then came the notes defending the late Beatle, attempting to explain what he meant and how his behavior as a peace activist made him more of a Christian through his deeds than any of the previous posters. This only made the other side even angrier and they began to describe in even more juicy detail the various sufferings that Lennon’s various body parts were no doubt suffering at this very moment. They sounded as if they were disappointed at having missed the Inquisition and intended to make up for lost time.
Now, as my friends will happily tell you, there is no situation so incendiary that I don’t enjoy pouring more gasoline on it:
If anything, John Lennon was low-balling the influence of the Fab Four. Ringo's nose alone was bigger than Jesus. The four of them together, then, were bigger than all matter everywhere that is, was, or will ever be, including all possible alternate universes, forever and ever, touch black, no erasees.
This didn’t seem to get much reaction, so I added:
i am the lorb thy gob! job lemon was right! now someone lend me a tenner!
Then came a series of posts that argued against evolution, of which this next is a typical example:
The song "imagine" tells of a time with no Heaven or Hell. This is merely a song. A question for you who dont believe is, If you believe in the big bang theory please tell me who light the match?
Well, I had to back him up, of course:
if earth is millions years old, why fred and barney with dinosaurs? in gafoozum 3:12 we read the following: "he that mocketh his flocks by night shall be as wormwood is to the bitter gall of the pretzel that goes by day"...repent all beeble fans! jon lebbon fries in fires of hell! don't expect gob to wear beeble wig or beeble boots in heaven! satan is love!
I began to notice now that each time I posted, this one fellow would show up with a huge slab of Bible text that he had copied and pasted, each one larger than the previous one. And so I would contribute notes along these lines:
o wise jebus! o well-spoken jebus! thou art the tray, the booth, and the pipe! you judge the world by way of new U2 album! lemmon is false profit! save us jebus from the hippies that cleave unto satan's hot rod! all you beeble fans must bow to jebus! wonderful jebus! pretty jebus! you will not laffing so hard the laff when the hellbird gnaws at your punk rock innards! save us from satanic pop stars and their brethren, to be turned into toads, newts and various repugnant foodstuffs! Jebus is shouting in your earhole the worm of love! oh jebus! when will you demonstrate your pure all-encompassing love and kill everyone???
One fellow showed up who wanted to make sure that he was heard, so he gave his cap keys a workout:
THE BEATLES STARTED THE DRUG RELIGION
AND WHEN PEOPLE ARE ON DRUGS,
WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM THEM ???
It was impossible not to be inspired by his enthusiasm:
BEEBLES ARE NON-FAT DOUBLE LATTES OF DOOM!!!
START RELIGIUM OF LONG HAIR AND BEADS,
AND BABY BLOOMERS IN BEEBLE BOOTS!
I AM TAKING DRUGS OF GOD ALL DAY!
SHOOTING UP BLOOD OF THE LAMB!
BIG STUPID IDIOTS ARE DUMB!!!
REJECT BEEBLES CULT OF DRUGS AND NEHRU JACKETS!
EMBRACE THE ONE TRUE COD, JEBUS!
PREPARE TO MEET HIM SOON SO BRING A GIFT!
By now everyone was starting to get a little tired, but just before it all died, “El Numero Cinco” blew in with a stunner:
In a revelation of HELL of God to 7 youngsters in Colombia, John Lennon was seen there in the flames begging for mercy, but no surprise Jesus ignored John...
There was little left for me to say:
Well, sure, but you notice how he ran right over to get George's autograph.
For some reason the subject of John Lennon’s Beatles Bigger Than Jesus remarks came up (Ed.- someone’s done a documentary) on some news site the other day and you would have thought from the vociferousness of the response that it might have happened yesterday. Apparently there are still some who not only misunderstand the context of the remark, but they behave as if it’s a fresh wound.
The opening volleys were predictable, angry missives that basically boiled down to “Hey! You thought you were bigger than Jesus, huh, John? Well, now you’re dead and in hell! Not feelin' so smart now, are ya?”
You know, the usual charitable Christian sentiments.
Then came the notes defending the late Beatle, attempting to explain what he meant and how his behavior as a peace activist made him more of a Christian through his deeds than any of the previous posters. This only made the other side even angrier and they began to describe in even more juicy detail the various sufferings that Lennon’s various body parts were no doubt suffering at this very moment. They sounded as if they were disappointed at having missed the Inquisition and intended to make up for lost time.
Now, as my friends will happily tell you, there is no situation so incendiary that I don’t enjoy pouring more gasoline on it:
If anything, John Lennon was low-balling the influence of the Fab Four. Ringo's nose alone was bigger than Jesus. The four of them together, then, were bigger than all matter everywhere that is, was, or will ever be, including all possible alternate universes, forever and ever, touch black, no erasees.
This didn’t seem to get much reaction, so I added:
i am the lorb thy gob! job lemon was right! now someone lend me a tenner!
Then came a series of posts that argued against evolution, of which this next is a typical example:
The song "imagine" tells of a time with no Heaven or Hell. This is merely a song. A question for you who dont believe is, If you believe in the big bang theory please tell me who light the match?
Well, I had to back him up, of course:
if earth is millions years old, why fred and barney with dinosaurs? in gafoozum 3:12 we read the following: "he that mocketh his flocks by night shall be as wormwood is to the bitter gall of the pretzel that goes by day"...repent all beeble fans! jon lebbon fries in fires of hell! don't expect gob to wear beeble wig or beeble boots in heaven! satan is love!
I began to notice now that each time I posted, this one fellow would show up with a huge slab of Bible text that he had copied and pasted, each one larger than the previous one. And so I would contribute notes along these lines:
o wise jebus! o well-spoken jebus! thou art the tray, the booth, and the pipe! you judge the world by way of new U2 album! lemmon is false profit! save us jebus from the hippies that cleave unto satan's hot rod! all you beeble fans must bow to jebus! wonderful jebus! pretty jebus! you will not laffing so hard the laff when the hellbird gnaws at your punk rock innards! save us from satanic pop stars and their brethren, to be turned into toads, newts and various repugnant foodstuffs! Jebus is shouting in your earhole the worm of love! oh jebus! when will you demonstrate your pure all-encompassing love and kill everyone???
One fellow showed up who wanted to make sure that he was heard, so he gave his cap keys a workout:
THE BEATLES STARTED THE DRUG RELIGION
AND WHEN PEOPLE ARE ON DRUGS,
WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM THEM ???
It was impossible not to be inspired by his enthusiasm:
BEEBLES ARE NON-FAT DOUBLE LATTES OF DOOM!!!
START RELIGIUM OF LONG HAIR AND BEADS,
AND BABY BLOOMERS IN BEEBLE BOOTS!
I AM TAKING DRUGS OF GOD ALL DAY!
SHOOTING UP BLOOD OF THE LAMB!
BIG STUPID IDIOTS ARE DUMB!!!
REJECT BEEBLES CULT OF DRUGS AND NEHRU JACKETS!
EMBRACE THE ONE TRUE COD, JEBUS!
PREPARE TO MEET HIM SOON SO BRING A GIFT!
By now everyone was starting to get a little tired, but just before it all died, “El Numero Cinco” blew in with a stunner:
In a revelation of HELL of God to 7 youngsters in Colombia, John Lennon was seen there in the flames begging for mercy, but no surprise Jesus ignored John...
There was little left for me to say:
Well, sure, but you notice how he ran right over to get George's autograph.
posted by Count Screwloose at 4:16 AM
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