Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Rove V. Weird

I’ve had some people comment on my predilection for referring to my marriage partner as “the wife” and they wonder whether this isn’t too distant or formal a manner of address. Why not a first name or, at the very least, something just a little friendlier than the plainclothes dowdiness of a term that identifies her strictly by her legal relationship to me?

There is a reasonable explanation for this. Long before this project began, the wife and I had a long talk about what would and wouldn’t be acceptable behavior here. Among the subjects discussed was how much I would be allowed to reveal about her, her likes, her dislikes, her daily activities, her hopes, her dreams, her turn-ons, her ambition to eventually go into real estate, etc.

It was decided that we would basically treat her activities as if she were working “undercover,” as it were. Since I would mostly be writing about myself, it wouldn’t be fair to drag her kicking and screaming into the same commitment (though this does bring back memories of our wedding day).

However, even being as careful as I was, I managed to land myself in a bit of matrimonial hot water recently. It turns out that the wife had been discussing what I’d been up to with a friend when they happened to mention something I said about her here, in this blog. This upset and irritated her and I was quickly called on the carpet.

“I thought we agreed that you would be extremely careful about what you revealed about me!” she told me, obviously upset. “Now, honey,” I said (I am something of a sweet talker, to be quite plain about it), “there is no way anyone could read what I write about you and connect it to you. It doesn’t make any sense. I’m very careful to disguise your identity.”

She stared at me rather perplexedly. “Careful? How can you say you’re careful?” she asked me, nonchalantly eyeing the rolling pin she keeps in the kitchen for occasions such as this. “It doesn’t take a lot of brains to figure out, especially if you know us, that when you’re talking about "the wife" you’re talking about me!”

Now I could tell she thought she had me here with her legal mumbo jumbo. But I had long been prepared for just such an emergency. “Sweetheart, at no time have I ever referred to you by name, ever! I have only ever called you "the wife"! If someone has somehow managed to extrapolate your identity from my perfectly innocent reference, I can hardly be blamed for that!”

“If someone has leaked your identity,” I continued, “I want you to know that I am the first person who wants to know who it is. I hold everyone involved with myself to the highest degree of ethics and if someone who might be me has been involved in this kind of activity, I will fire myself immediately.”

“Further,” I told her, “the idea that I had anything to do with this is simply ridiculous. I’ve talked with myself on numerous occasions about this and I have every confidence that I have not, technically, broken any laws.”

“I also have a set of talking points here,” I said, handing her a sheaf of papers, “explaining how I am perfectly innocent and your complaints are nothing but partisan politics as usual.”

Despite my confident defense, it appeared as if her eyes were straying a little too greedily towards that rolling pin again.

“Can you hear yourself?” she asked exasperatedly. “You’re not actually saying anything!”

“That’s just the sort of partisan sniping I expected from you,” I said. “Now I’d like to answer more of your questions, but I think the best way to get to the bottom of this is not to discuss it while the investigation is ongoing. This press conference is over!” With a great flourish, I swept our collection of spices off the spice rack and walked briskly in the opposite direction of the threatening, omnivorous pin.

Hearing footsteps rapidly gaining on me, I declared, “Any further questions should be directed to my lawyer!” before breaking into a full run and yelling "9/11! 9/11!" to anyone within earshot. Negotiations continued long into the night, but I think I can confidently say that things have returned to normal and that I have, once again, managed to finesse my way out of what could have been a disastrous development for me and my administration.

I always do.


Anonymous onlyfictn said...

Dissent or assent, neither, I am not sure of the point of this. I instantly think of Neal Page's berating of Del Griffith. There's repeated mention of "the wife" for which the one this represents, we gather, is upset with its potential to identify them in previous journal entries. Am I close? So of course I use the universal keying of (cntl + f) to find any such references. And lo and behold there are. Screwlooseum alerts his brethren to his blog URL (you notice I did not mention his surname ...shhh keep it quiet) So yes apriori, a recipient to this URL will make the connection to "the wife" and yes will be confident with whom it identifies. So what? I say this having not read the aforementioned “found” entries. Now there must be a connection between the discordant wife & Screwlooseum and the title Rove V Weird. Rove obviously all over the news with his involvement in the "CIA Leek". The Weird? You mean this blog entry. No, weird to me is always intriguing. Another word we hear often serves as the denouement "partisan" - I could go to a dictionary to get its formal definition but I am not going to. Let’s take the interminable: the media's guessed it partisan you recall, this entry even uses it. “Then there’s partisan sniping” We're getting closer Rove, politics? Not really. And "the weird never registers". I would not think this brazen of me, but both the wife & Screwlooseum (I thought) share the same political ideology. Commendably, they voted for the intelligent one and each like Rove as much as jaw surgery. Has one gone off the deep-end and turned to the Sith lord. Pardon the interjection, but “gosh”, I hope not. I just do not get this journal entry. Or perchance, I am just missing the spirit of blogging. Is this entry just about 2 sides, Red/Blue, wife/husband.. squabbling” Interesting? I have my opinion.politics..still "the weird never registers". I would not think this brazen of me, but both the wife & Screwlooseum (I thought) share the same political ideology. Commedably, voted for the intelligent one and each like Rove as much as jaw surgery. Has one gone off the deep-end and turned to the Sith lord. I just do not get it.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005 9:44:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home