Thursday, July 14, 2005

Republicans Gone Wild!

As Dave Letterman would say, It’s A Festival!

The Karl Rove fiasco has thrown the Republicans into a sort of Ultimate Spin Cycle which has no relationship to the world as you and I know it. The reason for this is that Truth – yes, that quality that has the same effect on Republicans as garlic does on vampires or salt on snails – has reared its ugly head in the public arena.

Faced with very little wiggle (i.e., lying) room, the standard Republican defense has been mounted: HE DIDN’T DO IT.



You may recall that this was the defense for lying about the WMD’s that got us into the war. It’s worked gangbusters for them so far. So the usual mouthpieces have been trotted out, not to defend Rove so much as to attack Joseph Wilson, the same stratagem that placed Bush’s non-service next to Kerry’s heroism in battle and somehow convinced the public that it was Kerry who was found wanting.

But there are signs that this approach may be wearing a little thin with the American public. The numbers supporting the war keep going down, as do those supporting President Smiff.

The White House Press Corps is actually asking questions about the Rove affair. Over and over again! As if they’re interested! And Poor Scotty McClellan is stonewalling like a man possessed, as if deathly afraid that Rove's cask of Amantillado will be exposed any minute now.

And with desperation in the air, the Bushies are starting to act like drunken students on Spring Break. We’re being treated to behavior that is setting new standards for embarrassment. Even for Republicans.

Here’s Ann Coulter:

“The real story…was not that Bush lied about Saddam seeking uranium in Africa; the story was Clown Wilson and his paper-pusher wife, Valerie Plame. By foisting their fantasies of themselves on the country, these two have instigated a massive criminal investigation, the result of which is: The only person who has demonstrably lied and possibly broken the law is Joseph Wilson.”

Here’s the Wall Street Journal:

“Democrats…are baying for Karl Rove's head over his role in exposing a case of CIA nepotism involving Joe Wilson and his wife, Valerie Plame. On the contrary, we'd say (he) deserves a prize--perhaps the next iteration of the "Truth-Telling" award that The Nation magazine bestowed upon Mr. Wilson before the Senate Intelligence Committee exposed him as a fraud…For Mr. Rove is turning out to be the real "whistleblower" in this whole sorry pseudo-scandal.”

Fox News’ John Gibson fired off a column entitled, “Karl Rove Should Get A Medal.”

You get the idea.

But this Mother Of All Spins seems to be having some kind of effect on Republicans everywhere, as if a screw has come loose in the usually well-oiled machine and nuts and bolts (especially nuts) are flying crazily through the air. Sensing the possibility that the free ride might be coming to an end, something inside them is telling them to grab for the brass ring and go for broke. After all, you only live once!

Republican Congressman Peter King told an interviewer, “Joe Wilson has no right to complain. And I think people like Tim Russert and the others, who gave this guy such a free ride and all the media, they're the ones to be shot, not Karl Rove.”

Well, I’m with King on this one. Seems to be that the next logical step after outing a CIA agent for the purposes of intimidating a political opponent is to just line reporters up against the wall and shoot ‘em. So I can’t argue this.

And Rick “I Belong In A Sanitarium” Santorum released his new book which, with blurbs from Dr. Laura and James Dobson, looks right on track to becoming the new Bible of the American Taliban. His recently unearthed comments about how the liberal attitudes of Boston were responsible for the epidemic of child abuse by priests is continuing to win him friends in the Northeast.

They can’t behave themselves for long, this crew. It’s like holding your stomach in at the beach. Sooner or later, you just have to let it all out.

And that’s when the sentencing usually starts.


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