Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Crepescule With Karl: Rove Extra

As you've no doubt heard by now, President Smiff has rejiggered his definition of what it takes to get fired from his staff.

Having "something to do with" the leak, which previously seemed to be a sack-worthy offense according to Resident Bush, is no longer the litmus test. You now have to be found to have "committed a crime."

"Bush Narrows Leak Pledge: I'll Fire Criminals," declared the Chicago Sun-Times. You must admit, this is quite a concession on the part of an administration that's practically based itself on criminal activity.

Hell, they've made campaign promises based on it.

Over at the Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington writes, "So we now officially have a direct statement of what will come to be known as The New Bush Doctrine: 'If someone committed a crime, they will no longer work in my administration.' Of course, it would be hard for this 'someone' to continue to work in Bush's administration, since this someone would be in prison. But I guess the 'restoring integrity to the White House' President is assuring us that, were it even possible to work out an arrangement whereby the offender could continue to fulfill his White House duties from a federal penitentiary, this president just cares too much about integrity to allow that kind of thing."

The Post also pulled the best question from yesterday's White House press conference for its banner:

Q: What is his problem? Two years, and he can't call Rove in and find out what the hell is going on? I mean, why is it so difficult to find out the facts? It costs thousands, millions of dollars, two years, it tied up how many lawyers? All he's got to do is call him in.

MR. McCLELLAN: You just heard from the President. He said he doesn't know all the facts. I don't know all the facts.

Q: Why?

MR. McCLELLAN: We want to know what the facts are. Because --

Q: Why doesn't he ask him?

MR. McCLELLAN: I'll tell you why, because there's an investigation that is continuing at this point...

If M.C. Escher was a White House spokesperson, this is what it would sound like.

Fred Grimm of the Miami Herald contributes, "Imagine what Karl could do with Karl.

Oh, what a spectacle that'd be. Karl Rove has transformed three war heroes into a fake, a stoolie and a terrorist sympathizer. He remade a Texas grandma into a low-down lesbian. Just think what Karl could do with a sleazy miscreant like Karl Rove for outing a CIA agent."

And syndicated columnist Mark Shields, in a piece entitled "How Dumb Do They Really Think We Are?" ponders the Republican explanation for Rove's behavior:

"It is true that Rove did talk to Matt Cooper. But he was not trying to smear Wilson and thus silence a formidable critic of Bush's Iraq policy. No, Rove's only motive was to make sure that Cooper and Time did not publish something that could turn out to be false. This is a side of the man...we have not seen before -- selflessly saving gullible newsmen from publishing anything inaccurate.

Imagine how busy Rove must have been during Bush's 1994 race for Texas governor, when his campaign was accused of launching a whispering campaign in East Texas about Democratic Gov. Ann Richards' affinity for gays. Try as he must have, Karl just couldn't stop the circulation of those ugly rumors.

In 2000, George W. Bush's campaign was accused of spreading the vicious charge that Bush's main rival, Sen. John McCain, was unstable because of the time he had spent as a POW in isolation. You just know Karl must have been speed-dialing reporters, valiantly trying to kill that slander."

See? This is why we have to wait until all the facts are in!


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